Do you know what to do when you reach your limit?

 

Last month I had a frightening wake-up call.  Late at night a fire started in my building.     Sirens and strobe lights woke me from a sound sleep and I rushed outside to stand with dozens of my neighbours.   Some of us in pyjamas and others clutching pets, we stood in the dark watching the firefighters do the remarkable work they do and waiting for the “all clear”.

 

As far as I know, no one was hurt in the blaze.

Neither the fire, smoke nor water damaged anything of mine.

Yet for a while that night, my sense of safety was lost and for days afterwards it remained shaken.

 

Being near an emergency shakes us.    When we’re charged up by a fight-or-flight situation and we don’t end up having to fight or flee, we are left with unused energy roiling around inside us.   Once I realized what was going on, I put my tools to work and I feel better now.   Grief Recovery taught me what to DO with roiled up energy.

 

Today I am thinking about all who survived the lockdowns.

We may not have lost anyone or anything but our sense of safety was shaken and we lived for months in that roiled up state… ready but unable to fight an invisible enemy.  Once the lockdowns were lifted we were each left with our own unique stew of roiled energy and frazzled emotions.  Many folks are wandering around today, still shaken, with no idea what to do with all that they’re feeling. 

 

When you’re ready to learn what to do, Call me.  xox

 

 

New year, new skills and leaving room for miracles…

 

“When we don’t know what to do,
it’s tempting to believe that nothing can be done.”
 
 
As kids we learned how to deal with loss by watching the adults around us and it’s frustrating when we discover that what we learned from their examples isn’t working.   It’s not that they, or anyone wanted to steer us wrong, our parents and teachers just said and did what they thought was right.
 
 
It takes courage to admit that what you were taught isn’t working, to seek new teachers and new ways of doing things but if you’re willing to learn new ways and do new things you can change your life. 
 
 
 
People who don’t know how to heal will tell you that you have to learn to live with your pain,
 
…. but that simply isn’t true.
 
 
 
Grief Recovery teaches actionable skills.
It takes 7 weeks to learn them and you’ll have a lifetime to use them.

 

Imagine what your life could be like if you knew how to heal. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My January wishes…

Everywhere I look, people are exhausted.
Who knew that change and uncertainty could be so exhausting?
Who would have guessed that four years later we’d still be dealing with the ripples from covid?
Whatever the covid years cost you and whatever you’re dealing with now,  I hope you will be gentle with yourself this year,
… you’ve been through a lot.
   xox

 

as 2023 winds down…

 

 

As we approach the end of 2023, we and our world are looking frayed around the edges. 
 
In the past four years the world has survived lockdowns and upheaval while we faced personal challenges at home and work.  
 
We who remain have survived… but living in survival mode and waiting for the next shoe to drop, has left us mentally and emotionally exhausted.
 
Our bodies survived but our hearts and souls paid the price.    
We are in need of rest and restoration.
 
Whatever you are doing this holiday season, whoever you are with and whomever you may be missing, please be gentle with yourself.
 
You’ve been through a lot and your exhaustion is real.     xox
 

 

 

 

What if you’re in pain…

 

 

What if you’re not in pain because your problem is unfixable but because you don’t have the tools and the skills you need to fix it?

If you believe that losing someone is the cause of your pain, then it’s easy to believe that your pain is unfixable.  But what if your pain is actually from feeling like you’ve lost the opportunity to make things right with someone?      What if losing the chance to say something important is what has actually been haunting you?

Grief Recovery gives people the tools to identify the truest source of the pain they’re feeling and teaches them the steps to take to heal.

Whether you use the tools once you have them… is up to you.    xoxo

A Thanksgrieving permission slip…

This is a note for the people who are feeling big stuff right now.

You may be newly alone, may have been alone for a very long time… or you may be surrounded by people and feeling alone anyway.   The why and the how hardly matters right now, what matters is that if for whatever reason you don’t feel like pretending to be grateful about anything this Thanksgiving weekend, you don’t have to.

You don’t have to pretend.

You’re entitled to your feelings.

… and yes there will be some folks who are uncomfortable with you having feelings.  

That’s okay.  

   …Let them be uncomfortable.

Your feels are real and they deserve your time and respect.

 

Whether you choose be with others, or stay quietly on your own this weekend,

Please be gentle with yourself.

 

Grieving our New Normal…

 

The world has always been changing but covid gave us more change in a few years than any of us ever dreamed of.

When change is small and incremental and we have time to acclimatize, we hardly notice the process … but covid wasn’t small or incremental, it stopped everything, all at once and we Noticed.

We noticed what we lost and we noticed what was suddenly out of reach…

Now we’re noticing the things that did not return to the way they were….  and for those changes and losses, both large and small, we are grieving.

We’re grieving plans that won’t come to fruition because of the ways the world has changed.   We’re grieving years lost trying to make old rules work and the new realization that new skills need to be learned and practiced.   Many of us are grieving the scarcity of folks who are safe to talk to about any of this.

The big lesson that covid taught us is that we need each other.   We are all more fragile than we were admitting and our emotional and mental healths deserve more care than they were getting.    As we learn to navigate this familiar-but-different world, many are looking for new and better ways to care for themselves and better skills to teach their children.

Recovering from grief is almost always about unearthing unspoken truths and speaking them with love and respect.

When you’re ready to talk, Grief Recovery Listens.

When life gets messy…

 

When life gets messy, emotions get messy and you may feel as though you’re a mess … even though intellectually, you’re doing okay…

The quality of our lives doesn’t rely solely on our intellect, it also depends on our emotional health and the support systems we’ve got to maintain that health.  Most folks aren’t taught how to maintain emotional health, instead they’re taught intellectual strategies for understanding, ignoring, or coping with pain so that they can get back to work and silently carry on.   Few of us ever learned how to name our emotions honestly and to heal our heart when it hurts.

In order to heal messy emotional pain you need tools that work on your emotions, not intellectual rationalizations for why you hurt.

Grief Recovery teaches people how to heal emotional pain using emotional tools.

… because trying to heal an emotional pain with intellect, is like trying to paint a wall with a hammer…

… it just makes a mess …

 

Are you keeping accurate accounts?

 

Have you added it up?

Are you honest with yourself about what the last few years have cost you… ?

… or the years before that?

 

Do you treat yourself with compassion and kindness,

… for all that you’ve been through?

 

When we don’t keep an accurate account of what it takes to get through each day, the tough times can find us with low reserves and we run the risk of falling into a kind of emotional overdraft.   From there, it’s easy to treat ourselves and everyone we meet with less love and kindness than they deserve.

 

The covid years showed us the cost of ignoring this basic accounting… and now many people are trying to rebalance their personal accounts.

 

People are looking at what they were taught to do, what they did and what they got from following the old rules.   Many are choosing to step off and find something different for themselves because of what they are seeing.

 

Even if your life isn’t changing much, the shuffling of others is a palpable and unsettling feeling

… and those unsettling feelings often loosen up unexpected grief.

 

Whether it is grief for the roads not taken… or for the old familiar, that seems long gone, your feels are real and deserve your respect.

Please be gentle with yourself.  xox

 

 

Grief Recovery teaches people how to take an accurate accounting and then, how to heal the hurts that have long been overlooked. xox

 

 

When we realize that we’re on the wrong road…

It can happen because someone died, we lost a job or a pet or a friend.   The loss pushes us to look at what’s important in life and we realize that we’ve been on the wrong path… for a LONG, LONG time.   It’s a frustrating and discouraging revelation.    We look back and see how hard we worked and how far we’ve come and don’t know whether to swear, or scream or lay down and weep.

This is a grief that isn’t often talked about.   It’s separate from the grief that started us looking back.

It’s the grief of stumbling and falling, trying and failing, learning who to trust and who we can lean on… and who we can’t.

One of the painful steps in Grief Recovery is accepting that people we trusted, gave us bad advice or set us on a faulty path.   They meant well…  but they were misinformed.   Worse yet is when we knew in our gut that what they were saying wasn’t right for us… but we were too young or inexperienced to step away from what we were being told.

The grief you feel remembering these moments is real.

Be gentle with yourself. xox

 

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