Time to evaluate…

If you’re alive, you’ve known loss.   Until a few years ago most of us suffered our losses relatively quietly.   We would hurt for a bit and if we had an ear available we might kvetch for a bit but then we’d chalk the pain up to the realities of life… and toddle forward, largely along the same path.

And then came Covid.

Now that we seem to be past the worst of the covid years, folks are taking time to evaluate their losses and many are stepping off the same-old-path.

What used to seem important, suddenly doesn’t any more, what never crossed our minds is suddenly vital and what we used to put up with, is now intolerable.   There is a lot of change afoot.

This is what it’s like, to survive BIG Loss…

It gives us a new perspective.

… and with that perspective comes the grief we feel as we see the pain we put ourselves through along the way and all the things we tried that did not pan out the way we hoped they would.

Whether you chose to make be changes because of your new perspective or not, please be gentle with yourself as you grieve.

Your feels are real.  xoxo

 

 

My January wishes…

2022 was a tumultuous year.
As often as possible, I chose not to wade into the storm.
 
Instead I talked with the clients who sought me out and when there were none, I took the time to do my own Grief Recovery Work.
 
If you are alive, you have known loss and there are things that you can heal.
I healed a bunch of mine.
 
Every time we are honest about what’s going on, what we wanted, feel or felt, we open a door to healing.   Each time we heal, life gets better.
 
My wish for you in 2023 is that you will begin to see and honour your own truths.
I hope that you will allow yourself to heal.
 
I hope that 2023 is your best year yet.   
   xox

 

Beyond exhausted…

We have always been tired.

We have all been doing as much as we could for as long as we could… and too often running at full speed to do it as fast as we could.

 

Then covid arrived.

Covid didn’t just add “one more thing”… it dumped a train-wreck of change and fear and loss onto already overloaded systems.

 

Sadly, as soon as the lockdowns were done many folks scrambled to jump back to the old routines of doing too much with too little… and all around us we are seeing the fallout from that.  Frayed tempers, rudeness and meltdowns.   We are all stretched beyond our limits.

This holiday season, please be gentle with yourself.  

Pare down the non-essential and do the things that you love with the people you love … and whenever possible, rest.

xoxo

 

November is for Remembering…

November 11th is Veteran’s Day in the US and Remembrance Day in Canada.

It is the day that we remember those who gave their all in the world wars.

 

This year I would ask you to dare to remember others in November as well.

Remember yourself and all that you’ve been through in the last few years…. 

Remember your first taste of the covid years,

Remember those you lost to it.

Remember those we lost who could not be memorialize because of covid.

 

Do you remember what it was like when you thought you knew what your future looked like?

Remember the jobs and businesses we lost.

 

We have all felt things that went unsaid these last few years. 

We have all been through the wringer.

 

Make this November-remembering, your stepping-stone to self-care and kindness and self-compassion.

 

… and be gentle with yourself.  xoxoxo

 

 

 

Thanksgrieving…

What a craptastic few years this has been.
 
Masks, lockdowns, restrictions, many of us spent months stranded and starving for human touch.  Whether from covid or other, people died and the ancient comforts of touch and tears and gathering ritual were out of reach.   People lost their jobs and some lost their businesses.  
 
The world changed and we were changed along with it. 
 
As we near Thanksgiving 2022 I find myself searching through the wreckage of my life for what I gained and lost, what I am grateful for and what I feel sorrow about.  This is what Grief Recovery has taught me to do.   I tell the truth, I sift and sort and weigh and measure… then I celebrate the wins and grieve the losses.
 
This weekend, whether you are alone or with others, I wish you peace and health and if possible, moments of joy.
 
We have survived everything life has thrown at us so far.  xoxo
 

 

 
“A bend in the road is not the end of the road”
 
 

 

September…

September always feels like the start of a new year to me but this year it feels particularly new and fresh.    I landed in Durham one year before covid took hold of our world and in the spring of 2019 I was full of hope and expectation.  I thought I was turning the page onto an “easy-peasy” chapter in life.
 
Family drama was followed by death and more drama, which was followed by business drama and change after change after change, as covid shook our world.  Pivot, pivot, pivot, I changed, adjusted, adapted and tried new things.    I survived my move here, family and business drama and covid… but all at a cost.   This summer I took time to slow down and rest.
 
Now it’s September again and I’m feeling the push to be out in the world, to try new things again… to step into the busy, exciting, chapter I expected 3 years ago.  Only time will tell where it takes me. 
 
Whatever the gap between your hopes and dreams and what life actually delivers, I hope you will always be gentle with yourself and occasionally allow yourself to rest, take stock and grieve.
xoxo

 

Canada Day…

Canada Day.

… a long weekend …

post covid or mid covid.  (No one knows for certain yet…)

What you know is that you’ve lost someone and life feels immeasurably changed.

Please be gentle with yourself, you deserve kindness.

xoxoxox

It’s not a race…

We are put on this earth for an unknowable amount of time…   Covid has confirmed for me that many of us are squandering far too much of the time we have here.

At the end of life, people often regret working too hard, being too serious, overlooking the fun bits.

What will you regret?

Why not change now while you still have time?

xox

3 years later…

Three years ago I packed my bags and moved to Oshawa.  
… as often happens, that first year was nothing like I expected.
 
Just as I was getting my feet under me, covid arrived and it changed the world,
… and then it changed it again and again and again.
 
It has been an exhausting and tumultuous 3 years.
 
As Ontario drops masking requirements and occupancy limitations, the world is once again beginning to look like it did when I arrived here.  It feels like everything and nothing has changed…
 
As things shake out and we find our new normal I’m looking forward to meeting you in person.
… stay tuned for details of times and places and classes and schtuff.   xox

 

Grief and hope… or not

There are those who believe that hope is the saviour of all.

And yet… sometimes it is the act of losing the last shred of hope, that propels us to change.   It is only when we have no hope left that we finally give up on magic solutions and begin to act in ways that were unthinkable while we still hoped things would turn around.

As a teacher, Labour Day always held more meaning for me than New Years Day but even so,  I’ve always watched to see what each new year would hold and until this year, I’ve always had hope that the new year would bring bright and shiny things.   

But this year my hope is gone.   Covid used it up.    I am dreading cold and flu season this year because it will bring terror to people who fear that it’s so much more.   I dread the news reports and the possible return of restrictions.   I dread the fighting and acrimony that has risen up around covid, it’s precautions and the vaccines.  

I don’t see a bright and shiny future ahead even though there will likely be one.   Because no matter what we feel on our darkest days, the future usually turns out bright.  

Right now, from where I sit, the brightest possibility I can imagine is the possibility that this might be our last year of fighting this pandemic.  Much more clearly I foresee the ravages left behind once covid packs it’s bag and moves on.   I see people bruised from this pandemic .   I see that our system has been broken and that it needs to change and I see a whole lot of turmoil as we build something new.

I see a mess coming and from that mess, hopefully something healthier.

So maybe I have hope after all.  xox

Stay well.   xoxo

 

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