Moving…

Moving is hardly ever a simple thing. Most often it is a complicated arrangement of goodbyes and uncertain plans, hellos and new adventures. At some point, you decide to leave where you are and for at least a while, you are unmoored. You’re not moved yet, the house isn’t sold yet and the new adventure hasn’t begun yet… it’s a time of anticipation and waiting. Or maybe you didn’t want to move and it’s a time of sadness and dread. Some days it’s all of the emotions you could possible imagine, tumbling round like clothes in a dryer.

“Grief is the conflict of emotions that arise

when a familiar pattern changes or ends.”

By its very definition, moving causes grief. Moving means that things will change. You’re likely to have a new commute to work, you’ll find new favourite stores and coffee shops. You’ll see new people and hopefully make new friends. Along the way, you’ll likely miss your old friends and yearn for that special spot you liked where everyone knew your name. All of those feelings are normal.

It’s normal, if slightly exhausting, to feel up and down, excited and sad, each in turn. What isn’t helpful and isn’t healthy, is trying not to feel these things. If we hang out with friends who only want to hear about the good, the exciting and the anticipation, the sad and scared and nervous stuff doesn’t cease to exist, it simply collects in the corners of our mind like dust bunnies.

“Feelings matter.”

“and if we don’t deal with them, won’t deal with them,

can’t deal with them, aren’t allowed to deal with them… they wait.”

Feelings are incredibly patient things and they will wait as long as needed, to be felt. In many cases, they wait until someone or something dies and then as we open to the fresh grief of the new death, the emotions that waited so patiently, rush in and we can’t figure out why on earth we’re feeling so nostalgic about our old home… It seems out of time and place and it is, but that’s because we put those old feelings on hold.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

When you learn the Grief Recovery Method and you Do the Work, you learn to feel your schtuff when it’s fresh and you don’t let things pile up on you.

What will your last straw look like?

Grasslands

Mine was the funeral of a friend.

Like most folks I had been through my share of “stuff” and because I was still able to function in the world, I thought I was doing alright.

In the previous two decades I had buried my mother and father, a brother, a sister, a few in-laws, a marriage and an ex-husband. After what felt like a lifetime of attending funerals, I didn’t anticipate any surprises. I thought the day would be much like any other funeral day.

But it wasn’t. As soon as I woke up I knew that a whole lot of something was wrong. The left side of my body was numb and I was deaf in my left ear.

Fast forward past that funeral day, past getting my doctor’s assurance that there was no physical cause for my symptoms, I was lead to the Grief Recovery Handbook and the best definition of grief imaginable.

“Grief is the conflict of emotions that arise

when a familiar pattern changes or ends.”

As I gobbled up John and Russell’s words I felt as though what I had been thinking, what I had felt and known all my life, was finally being verified.

“Feelings matter.”

“and if we don’t deal with them, won’t deal with them,

can’t deal with them, aren’t allowed to deal with them… they wait.”

Feelings can wait decades to be felt… In many cases, they wait until someone or something dies and then as we open to the fresh grief of the new death, the emotions that waited so patiently, rush in to be felt and there is a chaotic scramble to see who gets to the front of the line.

It’s no wonder that we feel mobbed when grief hits.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

When you learn the Grief Recovery Method and you Do the Work, you can get your life back.

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